March 2006 Maxim Jokes - Part I

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March 2006 Maxim Jokes - Part I

Postby Goofydoofy » Mon Feb 27, 2006 6:50 pm

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang, and wipes off the tip. A minute later the man sneezes again, then pulls out his member to clean it off. Then it happens again. "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've pulled out your penis to wipe it off!" yells the woman next to him. "What's the deal?" "Sorry ma'am," the guy replies. "I have a condition where I orgasm when I sneeze." "What are you taking for it?" she asks. "Pepper."

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A city boy (We'll call him Goofy) asks a farmer for his daughter's hand in marriage. "Prove you're worthy," says the farmer. "Go screw that cow in the pasture." "Anything for her," says the guy. He humps the cow, then returns. "Now can we wed?" he asks. The father points to a goat, and when the boy's done with the goat, he points to a pig. After the pig, the boy walks up to the farmer. "You can marry my girl," says the father. "Screw that," replies the city boy. "How much for the farm?"

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James Bond walks into a bar and sits next to a hot blonde. He glances at her and then looks at his watch. "Date running late?" she asks. "No," he replies. "It's a new watch that uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." "What's it telling you now?" asks the lady. "It says you're not wearing any panties." "Your watch is broken," she replies. "I'm wearing a thong." "Bloody hell," says Bond. "The damn thing's an hour fast."

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