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Ok, for You Goof and Serano...

PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 9:29 pm
by fendeesha
And for all the rest of you who ragged me for posting about the rapist e-mail I got, this one's for you!

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your goofy chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy chocolate chip cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I now have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to all of you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes (never mind that the BIBLE did not mention it works that way).

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail programs.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1,200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 3rd husband's 2nd cousin's mother's beautician!!!

PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 12:12 am
by SapphireSniper
OMG does the 60 seconds start after I reply? Does it count if my email times out? Will the bird still get me if I stay inside? Why don't I just send you a check :)

Hee hee

PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 12:48 pm
by Skel
http://www.snopes.com

Read it, learn it, stop sending me shit

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:32 am
by wuupas.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1,200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.


DONE! damnit, thought it said 60 minutes #-o

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:20 am
by Adlewiese
Thank you SKEL!!!!

I have several in my family that can't manage to find http://www.snopes.com

Or are too lazy, inconsiderate or whatever to take a few seconds to check something out before they spam me with it.

FYI, once I receive the 2nd spam of an article that appears on snoops, the sender goes on my spam control list. My Aunt in Colorado is on that list (and I have taken her off the spam control a couple times after she assured me she checked things out on snopes before she sends them out).

PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:12 pm
by Conan
If I didn't do any of those things listed I'd probably be a Hippy :?

PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2005 11:41 am
by spiritlove
omg, that was the funniest ever that I have read ... lol I will be copy and pasting that to several emails ...so if I have your email watch out rofl :thumbup