Red Sox sign Koufax!

Enter at Your OWN risk.

Moderator: Officers

Red Sox sign Koufax!

Postby beallzaman » Fri Dec 17, 2004 12:50 pm

The Red Sox announced this morning that they had signed Sandy Koufax to a 1 year contract worth a reported $25 million. Koufax, who turns 70 on December 30th, is ranked among the top 30 pitchers on current major league rosters according to the Major League Baseball Scouting Bureau.
Red Sox president, Larry Lucchino, announced the signing in response to the news of the Evil Empire's trade for Randy Johnson. Lucchino indicated that Koufax would immediately begin receiving injections of steroids, andro, Viagra, Crestor, the clear, Glenlivet, and nasal decongestants.
Reached at the Sunny Vista Nursing Home outside Tucson, Koufax said that his right arm felt great and that he looked forward to pitching against the Washington Senators and Brooklyn Dodgers.
Lucchino would not rule out signing other former major leaguers. "With the advances in modern medical technology, we feel confident that our medical staff can resurrect the careers of some of yesteryear's greats." "As long as they're alive we're interested."
There were unconfirmed reports that the Sox were so confident in their medical capabilities that they were exploring the possibility of bringing Ted Williams head back from Arizona. According to one source, Katie Couric had supposedly offered the Sox the carcas of her recently deceased 97 year old grandmother for transplanting Teddy Ballgame's head. One Sox official said this was unlikely since the prospect of the Splendid Splinter playing left field in a dress would be too upsetting to older Sox fans.
Happy Holidays everyone.
"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."
User avatar
Posts: 330
Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2003 10:41 am
Location: Cracktown, MA.


Postby bill » Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:56 pm

User avatar
Posts: 12079
Joined: Fri Aug 08, 2003 2:21 pm
Location: Stoneham, MA

Return to Humor

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest