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Employee Memo

PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2009 3:54 pm
by Edwenya
Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of
40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known
as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can
apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help
After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will
be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early
Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many
times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could
get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half
Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who
have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by
Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as
much SH-T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has
always prided itself on the amount of SH-T it gives employees. Should
you feel that you do not receive enough SH-T, please bring this to the
attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the
SH-T you can handle.



PS. Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas
and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of
the Tunnel has been turned off. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Re: Employee Memo

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 9:19 pm
by Serano
something similar circulating around Army Email - but without the RAPE acronym.