You can't fix stupid

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You can't fix stupid

Postby Meso » Tue Jun 26, 2007 7:18 pm

As Forrest Gump's mother said, stupid is as stupid does.



YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID

EIGHTH PLACE:

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

SEVENTH PLACE:

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran,"accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.


SIXTH PLACE:

Buxton, NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep h ole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,
21,dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a res! ident o f
Woodbridge, VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked
on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

FIFTH PLACE:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , as he fell face-first through
the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free)
rammed nto the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

FOURTH PLACE:

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del , as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

THIRD PLACE:

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington,
DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather &Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee
before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up,
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a
9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and
fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gu nshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of
fire.



HONORABLE MENTION:

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

TACOMA, WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation g rew mo re
heated
and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge a! t 4:30 AM.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
one had brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a
coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40
feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was
rescued by
>>two nearby fishermen. "All I can say " said Bingham, "is that God was
>>watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation
for it." Bingham's foot was never located.


AND THE WINNER...

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than
a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt
to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said
flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him,
he lay under all that dung for at least an ! hour be fore a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those
freak accidents that proves... "Shit happens."
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Postby Aboobaka » Tue Jun 26, 2007 8:59 pm

:jester
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Postby Naiin » Wed Jun 27, 2007 8:00 am

:thumbup
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The Way of the soft and yielding overcomes the Way of the strong and hard,
yet few are the number of those who follow this Way. -Tao Te Ching
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Postby Jimbop » Wed Jun 27, 2007 9:54 am

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del , as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.


That there is Charles Darwin at his finest moment.
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Postby Worff » Wed Jun 27, 2007 11:46 am

I dont buy "Third Place" thats bullshit lol. Civilian bystanders (customers) drawing weapons and shooting a man (robber) while a cop is standing there with his gun drawn just aint gonna happen without those civilians being arrested. Any cop would get super pissed about that as when the shit hit the fan, they dont know if those are customers of the gunshop, or accomplices of the robber.

Matter of fact I bet those are all made up, although some look believable hehe.

Like the quarter-stick of dynamite... which = an M-80 .. hehe those used to be fun eh?
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Postby Wreaking » Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:33 pm

Wreaking Havokk - 75 Berserker in Boxer Briefs

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Postby Meso » Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:09 pm

This version was a bit more believable

On 3 February 1990, David Zaback attempted to hold up H&J Leather & Firearms Ltd., a gun shop located in Renton Highlands near Seattle, Washington. About 4:40 p.m. that day, he entered the crowded shop and announced his intention to rob it by telling everyone to put their hands on the counter and saying if anybody moved, he'd kill them. He then spotted a uniformed policeman having coffee with Wendall Woodall, the shop's owner. What happened next is less than clear in terms of who shot first, but there was an exchange of gunfire between David Zaback, the would-be robber; Timothy Lally, an 18-year veteran of the King County police force; and Danny Morris, one of the shop's clerks.

Zaback, who had fired three times, was shot three times in the chest and once in the arm. He died in the hospital about four hours after the shooting. No one else was injured during the incident, and no charges were subsequently laid against Lally or Morris.

Renton police Capt. Don Persson said, "The surprising thing is that the man had to walk right past a marked police car to get in the front door."
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