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Moderator: Officers


Postby Antok » Wed Dec 27, 2006 7:32 pm

this is blatantly stolen from somewhere else.

Nothing makes a gamer's stomach turn in knots like a big hot serving of guild in-fighting and drama. At the center of all the trouble are those special players who have a gift for meddling with the guild's social structure. I'm talking about drama queens, of course. They’re in just about every single guild and gaming clan, no matter what game you play.

Every time you think you've drama-proofed your guild, the world just invents a craftier drama queen. After six years of participating in the leadership of various gaming clans, I have learned how to identify them. There are so many different types of drama queens I don't have enough space to put them all into this list. But lets look at some of the major ones. If after reading this list, you feel compelled to add onto it, feel free do so. You might even feel the urge to ask me if I wrote this about you, especially if you were ever in the same guild as me. To this, I say, “Oh, well you just think it’s all about you, don’t you?”

Chat Police. This is the most common of all drama queens. It’s best to know up front that Chat Police has the chat logging command, and knows how to use it. There isn’t shit that you can do about it. In fact, you can’t say “shit” when Chat Police is online because Chat Police will log it, cut it, paste it onto the guild message board for further scrutiny. That is, if they don't report you. If you are a guild leader, Chat Police will likely give you a daily report about the guild chat every time that you log in. There eventually may come a time when people will be too afraid to type when Chat Police is online. However, Chat Police will be the first to post about how quiet and boring guild chat has become.

The Guild Climber. This person will leave their old guild to join your guild, so that they can get equipped enough to join another guild. But leaving will make the Guild Climber look like… err, a guild climber. Therefore, they will try to make it look as though the rest of the guild is at fault. Guild Climber is the most likely to disband after (or if they’re ballsy) during a raid.

Henny Penny. Nobody gives a weather report of how the sky is falling, like good old Henny Penny. "Nothing is the same anymore since (insert name of quitter here) left the guild. This place is going downhill. Fast. Chat sucks, the raids suck. Everything sucks. I tried to get a group and nobody answered me when I spammed guild chat looking for people to run me through that one instance. I give it two months." They will log out shortly before the guild raid is about to start so that they can document this prediction into their Myspace.

The Quitter. “That’s it, I quit!” Something has upset The Quitter enough to either quit the guild, or quit the whole game. They will make an eight-paragraph post on the guild or server message board telling their life’s story leading up to what upset them. They will hit the refresh key over and over, waiting with bated breath for words of comfort and regret to come pouring in. They will be back within two weeks, when they decide to quit quitting.

Sex-Talk. This is one of the many sources of ire for Chat Police. Sex-Talk continually floods guild chat with stories of their sexual escapades and favorite positions, which they describe in great detail. The first to post photos of their genitalia on the guild message board, Sex-Talk isn’t shy about sharing anything. Sex-Talk’s likelihood of giving out their address and phone number for late night phone sex often attracts some pretty strong attention and strong feelings from other players. At the end of the day, when the last police call has been made and all of the restraining orders are sent, Sex Talk cannot figure out how they’re attracting all these weirdoes.

The Serial E-Dater. Serial E-Dater often budgets the cost of making trips to hook up with Sex-Talk and other guild mates within their sexual orientation, but is repeatedly disappointed when their e-love turns out to be nothing like the hot elf that they pretended to be online. The Serial E-Dater makes vapidly agreeable responses to every statement made by the person of his or her affections. They will jump to that person’s defense no matter how idiotic the person acts. This is due to Serial E-Dater’s brain matter shifting to their frontal nether region immediately after logging in. That is, unless more than one of Serial E-Dater’s objects of interest are disagreeing with each other. At this point, The Serial E-Dater impersonates an ostrich. If your server played “Six Degrees Of (Serial E-Daters Name)” the results could be catastrophic.

The Husband & Wife Team. This is a force to be reckoned with, especially when one spouse is an officer. Every issue that the Husband & Wife Team has, becomes the entire guild’s issue. Just remember, there are two of them and only one of you. They are usually sitting in the same room and they are both sending messages with the same complaints at the same time to various members of the guild and its leadership. They usually side with Chat Police and have the ability to talk each-other into a hyper state of worry. With the Husband & Wife Team, there is usually a new issue every week. The Husband & Wife Team usually wants the guild to be more like a family, and they want to be its parents. Things will really heat up when Serial E-Dater and Sex-Talk to take control of guild chat while the Husband & Wife Team are online.

Emotional Frosted Flake. No matter what happens, the Emotional Frosted Flake experiences it ten times more strongly than a normal person. This drama queen feels the need to hug -- wait, no... ~*hug*~ every single person who logs on, whether they like them or not. But only on happy days. On sad days, the Emotional Frosted Flake will act suddenly distant. They type with a lot of asterisks and tildes to express themselves. Therefore, they will often reply to things that they dislike with a sigh, expressed like this: "~*sigh*~" Apparently, this is your queue to ask what is wrong.

Candy Coated Shit Nugget. This person portrays themselves to be similar to the Frosted Flake, but only on the outside. Candy Coated Shit Nugget usually places people into two categories.
People whose asses I have to kiss. (Guild Officers & popular people)
People who should kiss my ass. (everyone else)

They want to be viewed by others as the happy optimist, but they’re not very happy. That is, not unless everyone around them is feeling as crappy as they feel. When Candy Coated Shit Nugget is successful at fucking up someone else’s day, they automatically perk right up.

The Tragedy Faker. They will make a post on the server message boards posing as a friend or brother, sister, uncle, cousin, best friend’s dog walker’s roommate in order to announce their made-up tragedy or even worse, fake their own death. The Tragedy Faker will be back playing eventually, and the person who originally made the post is never heard from again. The antics of The Tragedy Faker are one of the reasons that players are skeptical whenever a player death is announced.

Jealous Toddler. Jealous Toddler is someone who feels that any time someone else gets something awesome, that it is taking something away from him or her. Jealous Toddler doesn’t like it when someone else gets an armor or weapon upgrade. If someone quits the game and gives his or her equipment away to any guild mate other than Jealous Toddler, there is bound to be trouble over it as that guild mate becomes Jealous Toddler’s new enemy.

Nanny Micromanager. Not really malicious enough to be a drama queen all by themselves, the Nanny Micromanager is like the assistant to all of the drama queens. This is the person who jumps when the other drama queens say jump. They are surely a people pleaser, and they just want everyone to be happy and get along. Oh, why can’t everyone get along and be happy? Nanny Micromanager will arrange the funeral for The Tragedy Faker. They will be the first to wish The Quitter well. And, they will be the first to ask to have them invited back in a week later. If Nanny Micromanager isn’t an officer, they are at least the self-appointed liaison between all of the drama queens and the guild leadership. That is, until Nanny Micromanager gets burned out and turns into The Quitter
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