Eddie IzzarD......

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Eddie IzzarD......

Postby arielyn » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:19 pm

In the 30s: Hitler, Czechoslovakia, Poland, France, the second World War – the Russian front, not a good idea! Hitler never played Risk when he was a kid! 'Cause you know, playing Risk, you could never hold on to Asia. That Asian-Eastern European area, you could never hold it, could you? Seven extra men at the beginning of every go, but you couldn't fucking hold it!

Mais, la souris est en dessous la table, le chat est sur la chaise et le singe est … est … le singe est disparu!

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. And, uh … oh yes. You tear your history down, man! Thirty years old, let's smash it to the floor and put a car park here!

There was a spirit of ex-empire, this thing of "things can't be done", whereas in America, I thought there was a spirit of "can be done!", the pioneer thing. "Go do it, what do you want to do?" "I want to put babies on spikes." "Go, then! Go! What a wonderful idea. It's the American Dream!"

"Hi! I'm Crazy Eddie! I put babies on spikes. Do you want a rack of babies? We've got babies on racks! Mmm, they taste of chicken!" They do! Babies taste of chicken! Cannibals say that human flesh tastes of chicken, so babies must taste of chicken. And chicken tastes of humans. Good, I'm glad you're coming with me on that.

"You killed a hundred thousand people? You must Get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym. Your diary must look odd: 'Get up in the morning, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Lunch, Death, Death, Death, Afternoon Tea, Death, Death, Death, Quick shower …'"

Japan and Germany should be the peacekeepers of the world. They should be parachuted in whenever something breaks out. Parachute Germans and Japanese in. They go, "Look, we've done this before, we've done the killing. Hello? Take it from us. Just chill, chill out!" And then they organise peace really efficiently: "Peace, peace, peace – peace is organized!"

Italy invented fascism. Mussolini in 1922 said "Right, we're all fascists", but most Italian people are always on scooters, going, "Ciao!"

They set off from Plymouth and landed in Plymouth. How lucky is that? "This is Plymouth? We've just come from Plymouth! We've gone round in a circle, guys, back on the boat."

The Founding Fathers' arrival in America
The European Union: five hundred million people, two hundred languages – no one's got a clue what they're saying to each other!
We had the Druids: long white robes, long white beards. Early transvestites, didn't get their shaving together.

'Cause the Roman Gods up to that point were crap. Jeff, the god of biscuits, and Simon, the god of hair-dos.

"Now I'm going to marry my first wife, then I'm going to divorce her. Now, I know what you're going to say, but stick with me, my story gets better! I'm going to marry my second wife, then I'm going to kill her! Cut her head off! Ah, you weren't expecting that, were you? Third wife, going to shoot her! Fourth wife, put her in a bag! Fifth wife, into outer space! Sixth wife on a Rotissomat! Seventh wife will be made out of jam …"
As King Henry VIII to the Pope
"You crazy bugger! You can't do all this! What are you, a Mormon?!"
As the Pope to King Henry VIII
"What have you been reading, The Gospel according to St. Bastard?!"
As the Pope to King Henry VIII
So King Henry, who was played by Sean Connery for this picture, said: "Then I will start a new religion. The, uh … Psychotic Bastard Religion." And an aide said, "Why not call it Church of England, sire?" "Aye, Church of England – even though I am Scottish, myself."
As Henry VIII

We've got known in Britain for making the smaller films. Recently we've been pulling out of that into the more Trainspotting area, but the smaller films, they got the Room with a View with a Staircase and a Pond type movie.
Whereas if the film did any little bit of business in America, if the film did some decent bit of business, then Hollywood would take it, and they'd remake it and up the budget by 50 million and it would be called The Room With a View of Hell! … Staircase of Satan! … Pond of Death.
We play bad guys in Hollywood movies because of the Revolutionary War … oh yes, no two ways about it. And the French, who were on your side in the Revolutionary War, they play more esoteric characters. They play characters who turn up and go, "My name is Pierre. I have come from Paris. I have come to have sex with your family." "Help yourself! Because of the debt of honour to General Lafayette." [to audience] You know your own history, yeah? You don't know who he is, do you? What's this, the Spanish-American War, the French-banana war? What?
But we play bad guys in Hollywood movies, like, take, uh, The Empire Strikes Back from the Star Wars trilogy. The Death Star – just full of British actors opening doors and going: "Oh, I'm … oh … oh." "What is it, Lieutenant Sebastian?" "It's just the rebels, sir. They're here." "My God, man! Do they want tea?" "No, I think they're after something more than that, sir. I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag." "Damn! That's dashed cunning of them! Ah, Lord Vader!" [hollow breath] "Uh … hello?" Because he was only impressive because he had that James Earl Jones voice: [deep voice] "I'm … I am Vader. The force is strong with you." If he had a much more [high wimpy voice]: "'Ello! Look, I'm Lord Vader, and just pay a-bloody-ttention, all right? Luke, Luke, the force is strong with you." "Is it?" "Yeah." "Well, who told you that?" "Uh, s-some bloke. Yeah, he said the force is really rather strong with you." "Well, how strong?" "Uh, as strong as a small pony." "Oh, that's quite strong, that is." It wouldn't have worked, would it?

You've got to say something. You can't go down to the moon and go, "Oh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!"
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Postby Yoshikawa » Tue Dec 19, 2006 8:54 pm

Eddie Izzard is the freaking man, i watched "The wild" (some stupid kids movie) solely because he played the koala
On the black wind forever we ride on together
Destroying your evil with freedom our guide
When the master will storm us
He'll stand high before us
Our hearts filled with splendour
Our swords will shine over the light
___Valley Of The Damned - Dragonforce

Yoshikawa Matsumori - Lv.75 Monk
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